Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Life to the {now}full

I've always been full of intentions, both good and bad.  Moving forward, making plans, aiming for control, erasing {or even denying} mistakes, assessing the past, sculpting the future.  Resolutions, goals, road maps, well-crafted schedules, and perfection as the end destination.

I'm sure I've been in good company in my desires to do it all right the first time around 
and to make it all look easy.

And I am certainly not the first one to realize that a spiritual life based on creating a polished 
exterior will not produce lasting fruit, or even a personal surface happiness.

The last few years have taken me on such a circuitous journey- around the wilderness of depression, into the grave of doubt and empty faith, through the lush and fertile land of creativity {a land that offers a perpetual invitation to return}, and resurrected into a True Self that is really just home in new clothing.

In 2013 I chose no word to guide my year.  

I made no resolutions.

I had but small hopes of inner healing and spiritual rebirth, 
and I hesitated even to whisper them to myself.

And yet.  Here is November of the same year, with its formulaic gratitude, welcome brisk temperatures, and rich colors.  All the same, and all vastly different.  For I am new.

The year will turn soon.  I, in my neonatal skin, will live fully present.

{{Now~full}} 2014